Musings of a young soul
recently, I had this conversation with an old acquaintance
and all throughout I felt uncomfortable. the feeling didn’t go away post call. something just didn’t sit right. something was off and I couldn’t put my finger on it
then it struck me. the conversation. the whole setup
it felt transactional
P.S. Old scribble circa 2019. Monotony was served for lunch everyday back then. Though I don’t have vivid memories of how grey and bland things were in that brief (brief) window of time. But when I look back at these scribbles, it makes me wonder. Life really is like a sine curve. Undulating.
Like they say, this too shall pass. It stands true.
P.P.S. That period of time, though bleak it was, it made me more resilient. Patient.
Sometimes you don’t realise what’s happening around you, with you, when you’re in the thick of things. It’s only in the wake of the event that you’re able to grasp how it changed you. Made you stronger (or so I hope).
my hands were freezing,
the heart growing cold
I longed for some warmth
a cup of tea,
or perhaps a warm embrace
pour a cup of tea?
P.S. was watching this turkish movie and the guy held a warm cup of tea on a rainy eve, he had this faraway look in his eyes. he seemed sad, lonesome and lovesick. and my heart reached out to him
it was a sunday morning, two weeks after moving to bangalore. my flat mates had gone out for the weekend. I woke up and found myself all alone in that house. I remember making a late breakfast, a boiled egg and some noodles. it had been a little after noon, and this feeling hit me like a truck. it was intense. I remember it not being so pleasant, but I was curious. I had never experienced anything like that before. I tried to deconstruct it. I sat there at the kitchen table for a bit, just soaking it in. trying to comprehend the strange, new feeling. just when I was settling in, something distracted me. maybe the ping of a notification on my phone, I forget. I moved on to watching some tv show and soon that feeling faded away, it faded away into the background
had a weird day today. today, reminds me of that day
I think I miss people. I’d be in my own bubble but sit nestled among everyone. just being a fragment of the hustle bustle around
P.S. it was my first time living away from home. the first time I encountered loneliness in its real form. not a familiar face in sight. it was a fleeting experience, the loneliness I experienced in those few moments. the trance soon broken off by a digital ping
you’ve drifted away,
I can see it in your eyes
you search for another when you look into mine
you aren’t here, love
not anymore
not anymore, love
no more
I like words. The way they sound.
A friend had asked, ‘why do you write?’
I think the desire to express, to be heard is human. I wrote my first poem when I was eight. At least that’s the one I vividly remember. It was for a friend who was moving away.
Writing is a form of expression for me. It lets me be. No expectations, no boundaries. Just raw thoughts on paper. It is liberating.
I started journaling in middle school. The notebook was a gift from my father. When I revisited those yellowed pages, I found it full of random musings, not a detailed account of my day, but rather thoughts swirling around in my head. End of high school, I picked up a domain name and started a blog. Yes, this space you see right here. A bunch of poems bundled away in some corner of the internet. It felt safe. It was my safe space.
I write because I want to. To an outsider, the words might seem trivial, mundane even. An abstraction. Not for anyone else to comprehend, I write for myself. Something compels me to.
It’s my form of gentle and honest observation. It helps me make sense of things. In the thick of things, I might not comprehend what is happening around me. But if I’ve documented it, in hindsight, like putting a puzzle together, it all makes sense.
It clears out the fog, an exercise in clarity.
I feel fortunate that writing found me. Words give me company. Like an old friend’s company, it feels safe. Warm and comfortable.
For as long as I have words by my side. My savior, my solace.
quiet,
honest
hidden away
a quotidian existence
splattered,
the day disintegrates
red dripping out
how do you sew back together
the little blocks of time?
Yesterday, after a long time I sat down to edit my resume. In the midst of the backspacing, trying to align the words just right, a thought struck me.
For the longest time I believed that our resume defined us. I feared that this piece of paper, all but a checklist, boxes to tick off, defined my life. That my life was accountable for it.
When considering a break, I was warned. I’d be held accountable for that time. I’d have to answer piercing questions about what I did in that time, in my time. I wondered, is there any point to it all? To live for a piece for paper.
I believed that our professional achievements dictated and defined the course our life took. Granted, to an extent it does, not denying that. But with time I’ve realised that there’s more, a lot more to it.
It is important but not everything.
Like a big puzzle you put together. Life’s like that, a big picture and the career you build is merely one piece of the grand puzzle. It becomes rich and beautiful only when all the different pieces are stacked together. Not one piece repeating indefinitely.
It’s the medley of all things different that reveals the true beauty of life. Not to be circumscribed by a mere piece of paper.
all it took
was a little kindness,
and my heart
was yours
to keep
